That felt fine, if a little bit surreal; our time dating was amusing and sweet, even. She missed my dad so much, and it felt like a fun distraction. Eventually, though, like in five years—or, better yet, a decade from now. Never mind trying to figure someone else into your Big Life Plan—especially when that person is your smart, strong-willed, and beautiful mother. The same goes for fathers, of course.
I understood these things about my mother and, in theory, supported all the hypotheticals that followed. But there mother died father dating a difference between understanding something in theory, and handling it in reality. Advertisement When my mother told me, delicately and respectfully, that she was seeing someone, I surprised myself when I lost connection to mission control completely.
If my life were the movie Gravity, I would be George Clooney, a corpse farting off in space somewhere near the Hubble Telescope. Losing it is part of the process, by the way. Losing it is okay. I feel fine now, for the most part. In January, my mom told me she was spending time with someone. I think that was her very delicate way of saying she had gone on a few dates with another human man. What I should have mother died father dating then, however, is that our parents are a lot older than us.
Their definition of dating is probably different and probably a lot less casual. She was very open about her situation, and recognized that the timing might be tough for me, but it still hit me right square in the chest. I was not able to push the wind back into my sails so quickly, and I said some terrible things to my mother. Bless her that given my extensive and well-documented history of freak-outs, she somehow still loves me. It might sound corny, but knowing your parents love you is key while dealing with this; that fact transcends all else and should stay at the forefront of your brain at all times.
To her credit, my mother is very understanding. She constantly asks me to tell her my concerns. Then I realize, hey, that might be kind of cool. Processing happens over time; you just have to be open to it. It might feel super obvious, but oddly enough, sometimes obvious things need to be said the most. Of course she loves you, but it helps to be reminded.
The not-so-obvious things are important, too. The fact that my mother can be out there looking for a new relationship should be a testament to the one she had with my father. Advertisement Take it slow yourself. Asking questions is key. I thought that would make it easier. Boy, was I wrong. The guy my mom is seeing? He also lost his spouse unexpectedly last year. And they were also married for a very long time. He has kids, too! He also has grandkids! He and my mom have a lot in common, and knowing that was comforting.
I can relate in that I have forged a handful of deep and meaningful relationships over the past nine months with people who have also lost their parents. I have also lost someone who I loved very much thru death so I could relate somewhat to the struggles John was mother died father dating with. He loves his wife very much but is realistic in mother died father dating fact that she is not coming back.
His kids were very reluctant to his dating. The kids appeared to openly accept me, but comments would be occ made. I love John very much and he openly loves me. His house is not changed from the day his wife died. We have talked often of his desire to change things in the house and considered "moving in together". Not necessarily to take down all pictures of his wife, but to update. His kids have told him that they needed to move out because the house is filled with everyday reminders of her.
They love feeling her presence, but it was too much on a daily basis. They like, however, to "come home" and be surrounded by her. John struggles daily with the constant reminders. It how long after dating did you say i love you his pain of loss "in his face" so to speak every day He loves her and always will, but she is not coming back He wants to feel mother died father dating, and has made a decision to try to find happiness while he is still here.
It does not mean he doesn't think about her or that he's trying to forget her. He desperately yearns for that sense of peace that everyone keeps telling him will come. He knows that that "peace" does not come from sitting around at home alone night after night with only his thoughts of pain and loss as his online dating sites data companion.
It comes in living He respects the feelings of his children, so has not in 6 years made mother died father dating change to anything in the house. We don't spend much time in his house because of it. It tears him apart Keep in mind that while he is home everyday keeping her memory alive ALONE. They have someone that they go home to every night to watch a movie, share a laugh, cuddle, and yes intimacy.
It is a human need to want to feel loved, wanted, intimate. It is a HEALTHLY sign that he is healing to want to move forward and try to find mother died father dating happiness. Your pain is great in losing a parent, and my heart goes out to you, and you know what that feels like and the journey you must endure. But you did NOT lose a spouse and you have NO idea how that feels and struggle that goes with that. You are projecting your pain and your struggle and where you are at in your healing process into your living parent.
Your surviving parent is not replacing the mother died father dating you lost. NO One could ever do that. This is a new chapter in your parent's life And he is willing to sacrifice his happiness for them, he loves them. He knows his wife would not want him to spend his life alone, but his kids cannot see past their own pain.
If you truly care about your surviving parent, please try to understand that everyone moves on at different paces. You may feel it's too soon, and you may be right, but it's theirs to figure out.